Products

255 products
  • Cleaning with children in the house is like brushing your teeth while eating Oreos.
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  • Coffee has given me unrealistic expectations of productivity.
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  • Did you have to eat the whole box of stupid?
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  • Excuse me, here is your nose
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  • Forecast for today: unproductive with a chance of a nap.
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  • Hey train wreck, this isn’t your station.
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  • How much better would life be if a liar’s pants really did catch fire.
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  • confortable with that
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  • I could give up chocolate but Im not a quitter.
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  • I didnt see anyone today so I’m wearing this again tomorrow.
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  • I do this thing called what I want.
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  • I don't like to think before I speak. I like to be just as surprised as everyone else about what comes out of my mouth.
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  • I dont know where all this crap about me being a “difficult person” is coming from.
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  • I just don’t want to look back one day and say I could’ve eaten that
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  • I just rescued some wine. It was trapped in a bottle.
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  • I may be wrong, but I doubt it.
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  • I meant to behave, but there were too many other options.
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  • I miss you like an idiot misses the point.
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  • I smell old people. Oh wait, thats you! Happy Birthday
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  • I want you to know that someone cares. Not me but someone.
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  • I was going to give you a nasty look, but I see you already have one.
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  • I wish more people were fluent in silence.
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  • I wish my life had background music so I could understand what the heck is going on.
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  • I would challenge you to a battle of wits, but I see you are unarmed.
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  • If you met my family you would understand.
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  • In my defense, I was left unsupervised.
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  • Is your drama going to have an intermission soon?
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  • I’d love to talk, but I’m in a hurry to get home so I can be alone.
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  • I’m just a girl standing in front of a salad, asking for it to be a donut.
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  • I’m not arguing. I’m explaining why Im right.
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  • I’m not childish, youre just a big doody head.
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  • I’m sorry, did I roll my eyes out loud?
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  • Life is not a fairy tale. If you lose a shoe at midnight youre drunk.
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  • Listen, before I had my coffee, I didnt know how awesome I was going to be either.
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  • Marry someone who can cook. Looks fade, hunger doesnt.
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  • My favorite thing to make for dinner is reservations.
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  • Not my circus, not my monkeys. My monkeys fly.
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  • Not only does my mind wander... sometimes it walks off completely.
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  • Nothing says “I mean business” like using a cart at the liquor store.
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  • Nothing screws up your Friday like realizing it’s only Tuesday.
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